Your impotent rant for today.

I have discovered the actual reason I hate being old.

It’s not because I look increasingly disgusting.

It’s not because I’m bored of things.

It’s not because the people I hang out with think the Transformers are those Michael Bay abominations.  Or saw the Star Wars prequels first.

It’s because…I’ve lived through my asshole phase. I’ve gained enough distance from it that I can objectively see exactly how much of a dick I was, how I went about being that dick, and why I was a dick in the first place.  While this leads me to being a ‘better’ person (or at least, when I choose to be an asshole now, I believe I’m doing it BECAUSE I’M LIKE TOTALLY RIGHT OBV), it does have the unfortunate side effect of allowing me to discern with some confidence when and why people are just being pricks, AND OH GOD PEOPLE ARE PRICKS ALL THE TIME.

I went though a phase of calling them on it.  That was a fun six months.  But it got old.  Not because of fallout - people turn out to be quite submissive about you calling them on their bullshit if you’re a) right and b) confident - but because IT NEVER FUCKING STOPS.  

I’m beginning to see why old people are so grumpy.  It’s not because of the ‘oh fuck I’m old, life is over’ cliche, it’s because people less experienced that you are all fucking tools and think you don’t know how toolish they are.  They think they’re pulling one over on you, rather than you having to put up with their shit because you no longer care about the emotional bite to things like saving face or being correct, or being proven incorrect, or being found out as unskilled, inexperienced, fibbing etc.  

I don’t like it when other people force me to modify my behaviour in order to avoid a social faux pas, when they’re the ones that are at fault.  You know what I mean.  Things like bare-faced lies in situations where, were you to say “That’s not true”, the shit would hit the fan.  So you have to go with it and pretend they’re right.  And now we’re creating a web of deception!  Not for fun, but to shore up your personality!  Because YOU’RE A FUCK.   

Lots of younger people are like that.  I was like that at times.  God, I used to think I was quite clever, manipulating my way though life.  I wonder how many of all that was just other people putting up with my shit, in the full awareness that I was a silly billy?  At least I never knew any sad old fucks that hung about with people ten years their junior.